A few years ago, I made a conscious decision to avoid serious news stories at all costs. The constant bombardment of horrific news day after day was keeping me awake at night and I was awash in melancholy. My husband, knowing this and ignoring it, likes to regale me with the one piece of news that he has found the most worthy each day. Usually I don’t care to hear his stories, but tonight he told me something particularly tragic: there is a shortage of strippers in Ontario.
I know. It’s super sad.
After I finished crying about the poor men of Ontario who have no one to ogle, I turned to my good buddy, Google to learn more about the situation, and what I found was more than slightly appalling. Google ‘shortage of Ontario strippers’ and you’ll immediately be met with news articles on this topic from every year going back to 2004. What. The. Hell?
What I took to be an oddball news story that I could chuckle at, turns out to be something just as gross and upsetting as all the rest of the news I do my best to avoid while seeking out my morning fluff and gossip stories. It turns out that the shortage has become so serious and so severe that strip clubs have started to actively recruit high school girls to join them. Yuck.
If you live in Ontario (which I don’t), and you see these sickos arriving at your local schools with stripper poles (which some articles quoted club owners as saying they plan to do), I suggest you toss something at them – rotten eggs are good. In fact, if you fly me out there, I’ll be happy to lend my (somewhat pathetic) throwing arm.
On a lighter note, in all of my reading about the stripper shortage, I stumbled upon the story about the trials of trying to get through airport security when you’re a man with the world’s biggest penis which made me think about my upcoming flight to New York City for the BlogHer conference. There’s nothing quite as calming to the nerves as getting ready to pass through airport security. Can’t wait!